One of my readers replied to "Benedict Year One" saying that the DaVinci Code is a good novel so long as one understands that it is fiction and none of the “facts” presented such as the nature of Opus Dei or the secret of Mary Magdalene are actually true. I can respect that. I’m sure the novel is very suspenseful and well-composed; otherwise it wouldn’t be all the rage today.
But my sisters and brothers, if you’re looking for some more well-composed, edge-of-your-seat mythology, check out the May issue of Glamour Magazine. Tell ya what, folks, this is great storytelling! For example, check out the article entitled “The new lies about women’s health.” (WARNING: This link contains a startling and borderline pornographic image of a woman's backside.) It’s a harrowing tale about how evil Christian pro-lifers seek to impose their morality on the rest of humanity by twisting the arms of politicians and distorting scientific research. So to the rescue come the noble “free spirits” at Glamour and Planned Parenthood etc to expose the lies. Will the Pro-Choice Freedom Fighters beat back the pathological Bible-thumping liars? You’ll just have to read and find out.
If you’re not quite sure if the adventures of the Pro-Choice Freedom Fighters is for you, just check out this action-packed excerpt from “The new lies.” The Pro-Choice Freedom Fighters at Planned Parenthood et al were just about to win the day as the FDA was recently set to pass the “morning after pill,” also known as “Plan B,” for over the counter (OTC) status. That is, until...
Christian fundamentalist groups like the Southern Baptist Convention and powerful religious conservative organizations like the Family Research Council and Concerned Women for America campaigned hard against OTC status by lobbying members of Congress, testifying before the FDA panels and bombarding the agency with letters. They argued that the drug was dangerous, would lead to unsafe sex and would corrupt children. Pia de Solenni, director of Life and Women's Issues at the Family Research Council (a pro-life group that also believes there are “long-lasting negative consequences of premarital sex,” including “emotional problems” and “future marital breakup”), also argued inaccurately in a press release that Plan B “will most certainly make [women] ill from an overdose of hormones and potentially cause further complications.”
Alas! Behold the nefarious tactics of the evil Christian pro-lifers! They’re writing letters! They’re testifying before FDA panels! They’re talking to members of Congress! Why, those cheaters!
Forget that Plan A of the Pro-Choice Freedom Fighters from day one of the abortion movement in America has been to pack the courts with activist judges so they could bypass all of this silliness that some people refer to as the “democratic process,” imposing the pro-abortion agenda from the top down despite the ongoing public debate. They can’t be bothered with all of that, you see, because their cause is so momentously important. We’re talking about reproductive rights here! That’s gotta be in the First Amendment, somewhere, right?
And isn’t it great the way they just sort of dismiss the notion that premarital sex actually could lead to painful consequences and marriage breakups? Not to mention the assertion that a press release addressing Plan B was “inaccurate.” Where’s their evidence? Where’s the support to back up their claims? They can’t be bothered with that you see. They’re not like these evil Christian pro-lifers like the “Pure Love Club,” who actually waste time providing evidence to support their claims about premarital sex and birth control and whatever else. They’re Glamour Magazine. If they say it, it must be true!
But that’s not all. In addition to having to battle over making the magical morning-after pill available everywhere regardless of the conscientious objections of pro-life pharmacists, the Freedom Fighters also have to protect us simple-minded common folk from the fear-mongering of the evil Christian pro-lifers who insist on claiming there is some link (imagine that!) between abortion and breast cancer. Glamour asserts:
[T]he facts are straightforward: Abortion does not increase a woman's chance of breast cancer, according to numerous independent professional groups like the American Cancer Society, ACOG and the WHO. (Unlike the National Cancer Institute, these organizations are not part of the federal government.)
So thanks to the Freedom Fighters, women everywhere can rest soundly in the knowledge that abortion will not give them cancer of the breast. After all, these findings must be rock solid. Forget the fact that it’s precisely these Freedom Fighters at Glamour Magazine and Planned Parenthood et al who stand to profit from women having abortions. There’s no conflict of interest here. Who would have the nerve to impugn the motives of these noble organizations?
Why, the evil Christian pro-lifers of course! In fact, the Coalition on Abortion and Breast Cancer released a statement just yesterday challenging the “experts” at Glamour Magazine to a debate on the issue! They actually cited sources to every one of their claims, and even compared Glamour Magazine to the tobacco companies! Is nothing sacred??
And of course, the evil Christian pro-lifers came a hare’s breath shy of calling the Freedom Fighters cowards, observing that no public debate has yet taken place on this alleged connection. But alas, we can hardly be upset with the folks at Glamour and Planned Parenthood et al if they’re not particularly keen on the idea of an actual debate. I mean it would be rather like inviting Dr Seuss to have a debate with a professional historian as to whether the Cat in the Hat ever actually existed. It’d be a waste of time, because the two sides would be coming from different worlds—Dr Seuss a world of fiction, and the historian a world of reality.
Similarly, we can’t expect the Pro-Choice Freedom Fighters to actually be gung ho for a debate over reproductive rights and women’s health issues, because what they say about it is more about emotions and good feelings than about reality. And naturally so, for that’s the purpose of fiction, to rouse emotions and good feelings. And if it turns out that they want their stories to be taken as more than fiction, then all they have to do is agree to a debate. Until then, we need not be upset with them. We need only enjoy their writing for what it is: some really … good … baloney.
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